It's for Real this Time!

Yay! Alice in Wonderland is finally completed. When I actually focused on the book it took me less than one hour to finish it and thank God for that! Now I know everyone has seen the Disney version of Alice but please, please read the book! It is by far one of the weirdest things I have read in a long time (and that is including Slaughterhouse Five) but it is so enjoyable too.

The movie differs from the book in many aspects but hey what movie is ever like the book (DO NOT say Twilight...just don't). Basically this little girl Alice falls asleep in some sort of meadow by her home and "wakes" to find a rabbit speaking and wearing a waistcoat scurrying through the grass. So she thinks, "Hey why don't I follow the demon-possessed rabbit because obviously it's perfectly normal". She follows the rabbit down a hole and falls foreverrrrr watching many peculiar things rush past her. She finally hits solid ground and immediately wonders if Alice is still Alice or did she magically become someone else when she fell. Ok here's the funny part. She actually recites poems to determine if she is still she and when she doesn't say them correctly she determines she changed into some dumb girl from her school. Wow! Ok so she gets over the fact that she is not she so she walks to a table in the room and takes a sip from a mysterious bottle that says, "Drink Me", not something I would do but whatever.  I'm about to speed this up. She grows small by fanning herself with a glove (?, weird), sees a door , needs the key, so she eats a cake to make her big (someone needs to teach her not to eat strange food) she grows too big then cries...a lot. She meets a mouse they both swim in her tears to shore and she has a race with some animals on the beach and scares them away with stories of her cat Dinah. She walks and walks some more until she sees a house which happens to be the rabbits house who being an a-hole mistakes her for his housekeeper and orders her to get him his gloves. The dumb girl says, "All right. It's all good to take orders from a rabbit", goes into his room finds his gloves, eats some more miracle grow food and fills up the house with her ginormous body. They try to get her out forcefully but I believe she punts someone out of the chimney, fans herself to grown small again and runs away from the house. She walks some more and comes up to a house with a footman waiting at the door. He's all depressed and is waiting for someone to open it for him. He and Alice have a philosophical conversation about doors and opening and waiting and blah blah. Alice leaves him and simply walks in the door (yes it was open the whole time so why couldn't the footman just walk in I'll never know) and sees a cook, lots of pepper and an abusive mom/duchess throwing a "baby" in the air. Alice rescues the baby which turns out to be a pig and finally thinks that this all weird stuff yet still walks on. She asks a caterpillar smoking hookah which way should he go and she decides to go to the Mad Hare's house. There we all know is the never-ending tea party in which the Mad Hatter, Sleeping Dormouse and Mad Hare have more philosophical words to share. Alice is offended and leaves the party and finds a random hallway in the middle of the woods that leads back to the room with the small table and the key. She grabs the key and grows small finally able to get into the garden on the other side. Ok almost at the end, still with me? She basically finds herself in the queens castle, plays croquet and is ordered to visit a tortoise and some dragon looking thing to hear stories. She goes and she hears the weirdest story about dancing with lobsters and under sea lessons and just a whole lot of nonsense. The dragon takes her back to the castle because a trial is about to start and Alice simply must be there! The trial is nonsense too with the "Off with your head!" happy queen, animals for jurors and the playing card soldiers. Alice is called as a witness, says she didn't know anything, yells at the queen and gets attacked by playing card soldiers. She then wakes up and was like, "Whoa that was weird", tells her sister about her dream then runs off to eat. Her sister then dozes of too after Alice leaves and dreams of rabbits, queens, tea and other pish posh and is happy that her younger sister will always have these memories to remind her of her happy childhood. The End.

Ok! I hope no one got lost. Again read it for yourself you will be glad that you did. I loved the book because it was as weird as weird gets. 97 books to go and I have no clue which book comes next.